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Friends, 

I’m going to be very transparent today in hope of helping someone who may feel all alone in their emotions. To be honest, I have felt like I was in a fog or daze for weeks. Some days had more dark clouds and some days had a few rays of sunshine, but it seemed to be a continual struggle to get to where I wanted to be and, knew I should be.

Admittedly, it seems I have spent more time learning about the coronavirus and national travails than reading the Word lately, probably a 70/30 mix. Of course, that’s a recipe for disaster. Ugh! Crazy! There are things we need to know, there are things just simply of interest, and then there is an unhealthy saturation if allowed. I know this, and each morning I planned to do differently, but many days I would end up in this new spiral. Lack of sleep, distractions, necessities, responsibilities, demands, loss, fear, unknowns, restrictions, inabilities, separation, so many things have pulled at us in different ways and measures. Within these difficulties are still so many blessings, so much comfort and the peace of knowing Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. But, an underpinning of stress and uncertainty is working to pull me from my stability. Massive shaking of the world around us, and our inner thoughts, looms.

Easter morning marked a new beginning for me. (Doesn’t He always do that – give us mercy and a way to start again?) Because I couldn’t sleep, I rose very early and got alone with my Bible; not my ipad, You Version, or a more current translation. Just my worn, familiar, ink-on-page Bible! I read a little, but mostly I remembered. I remembered what my Lord had suffered for me, what He had given for me, and what He had accomplished for our communion together. I could “feel” again! It had been awhile. For a couple of weeks, even though I would rehearse scripture and pray, I was unable to sense His nearness. I know feelings aren’t dependable, but I missed those feelings of confidence, security, and rest, along with a sense of His closeness. A welcome stirring in my heart replaced the hollowness that has haunted me through this season. Doesn’t it feel like more than several weeks!

Thankfully, the Lord has taught me not to live in self-condemnation. He doesn’t condemn; He convicts, He draws us to Himself. But through the years, I’ve had to learn how to not beat myself up when I don’t feel that I measure up. I believe the concept “earning our position in Christ” is a problem for many. The world teaches us to measure ourselves by what we have accomplished or by what we do. Our works matter, but they do not define us nor make us worthy in any way! Jesus Christ is our only measure. His work in us accomplishes our salvation, our transformation into His likeness. His Spirit in us teaches us and draws us to follow His ways, then enables us to do what He wills for us. Change does require participation and surrender, but it is not based on our “works”. The law shows us what we need to do, what we can’t do on our own, and then grace steps in.

Beautiful grace! The provision of unmerited favor. The “gift” of eternal life. We can’t earn it. We can only receive it. But once we have it, we think we are to work to keep it. We believe we must measure up before we can come to the Lord with our fears, our faults, our insecurities, etc. How crazy! But how human. His provision is more. Philippians 2:13 NLT states, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” We need to discover the person we are in Christ, then allow Him to change us to reflect His plan. But this is a process. I digress.

I am grateful for the Lord’s Presence with me. I am grateful that whether I can feel Him or not, He is here. I am grateful that even when I can’t see His provision, it is there. His Word is Truth, true and dependable. Isaiah 46:11 MSG, God states, “I’ve said it, and I’ll most certainly do it. I’ve planned it, so it’s as good as done.” He never changes. The Lord God is steadfast and sure. “I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me,” Psalm 16:8 NLT.

These several weeks of uncertainty and fear may have drawn out some unfamiliar thoughts and actions, but the Word teaches, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,” Matthew 12:34 NKJV. This provides an opportunity for the Lord to reveal some heart issues that need to be addressed, corrected, and resolved. Simply confess it and turn around; get back in alignment with what He says is true. Ask Him to reveal the root of any unhealthy words or actions. He is ready to show you His path of righteousness, Psalm 23:3.

Most of our problems are the result of a lack of trust. A lack of trust is usually based in a lack of knowledge of the unchanging character of our God. It might also be a lack of understanding who we are in Him, how He sees us. Simple remedies: more time in His Word, sitting at His feet, learning about His attributes first-hand, listening to His voice, rehearsing His acts of goodness in our lives. He’s ready. He’s here. He’s waiting. He’s calling. He compels, “Come unto Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest,” Matthew 11:28 NKJV.

The Lord told me years ago, and He often reminds me, “Bebe, know Me. When you know who I am and you know who you are to Me, you will never doubt Me again.”

In His care, Bebe

Photo by Michael Mouritz